LIOLIO FA'AI'U
The truth is, I feel like I'm starting to not be able to remember things about her. The memories that I have of my grandmother feel like they are just slipping away. I can remember playing with her really loose skin on her hands or on her chin, but I can't remember the way it felt between my fingers. I remember when she'd get upset with me and say "sheeshee" but I can hardly remember what her voice sounded like. The more I think about some of those fading memories, the more I feel like I'm just a bad granddaughter and the more I feel like I never truly loved her because if I did, I would NEVER forget ANYTHING about her.
Am I the only one that goes through this? Is there anyone else that has or is experiencing this? How do you deal with the sad emotions that are attached to the thought of fading memories of someone that you've loved so much in life?
I so miss her. Family life has not been the same since she passed. All of us have our own lives to take care of and since she's been gone, there is no one to bring us back together again. Bills, work, and life just snuck right in and sat in her chair. It's literally been years since we've all been together under one roof reunited and catching up, laughing, crackin' jokes and having morning and evening worship.
This I know for sure, all the memories that I have of my grandmother could fade away. What I will never forget is that she loved me and I loved her. I might forget how she loved, but I will never forget how MUCH.
This is beautiful June! I know how you feel. try this. when the thought of grandma comes into your head close your eyes, be still and breathe. let your memories and you go back to special moments. like being on the bus on a sunny day. you're snug between grandma all her plastic bags with thank you written on them and the window. the only thing that intrigues you is not your surroundings but the lady you sat next to and her loose skin. Cold velvet with a soft crease. You probably had many layers of clothes on because she never wanted you to be cold. nose running and pig tails with knockers. while the bus sang its song grandma sings her own infamous song. "Oh June le teina le lei. Ae pi supo ae mea le lei..."
ReplyDeleteif anything else close your eyes and remember smile when she saw you after a long spell. that was the best smile!
love you my Juney!